The Truth

Oh my gosh, i just realized something. The book is a lie! All this time I thought this was actually a real book that had been abridged. I thought that a very real scholar was mad that a very real Morgenstern's work was being copied. It's all fiction though. William Goldman's childhood, pneumonia, Mrs. Roginski, his frigid psychologist wife Helen, his fat son Jason, all of it! The only thing really true about it is his name (It's William Goldman alright).  This just rocked my world, and I feel really dumb, but it shocked me. I went straight to my mom saying "It's a lie, it's a lie." lol. An artistically well-crafted lie, but a lie nonetheless. Haha. I gotta change some of my work now. Gosh, this really shook me up. :-)

Chapter Eight: Honeymoon

*Oh man, twenty pages left!*

They obtained the one key in and out of the castle and went in with Westley hobbling along weakly after being revived. They still don't know the wedding has commenced or that Westley is running out of time so quickly.

Sooo.... they're getting married. Getting married. People are screaming. Getting married. They're married! The old King and Queen escort Buttercup to Humperdinck's bed chambers, and then she sees all the sharp objects he collects and decides Westley would have been there by now if he was really going to come for her, so she decides to commit suicide with a Florinese dagger.

Meanwhile (I say that a lot, huh?), since the almighty Count ran away like a baby when Inigo said his line “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die,” Inigo asks Fezzik to bust down the door Count Rugen put between them so he can pursue him. Afterward, Fezzik is supposed to return to Westley and protect him, but Westley has already hobbled off. Fezzik loses his way and now Inigo is running again. He's actually gaining on the count.

So now, back to Buttercup, she's about to kill herself, and enter Westley with his suave “Honey I'm home,” type of joke. Before Humperdinck walks in, back to Inigo. Inigo starts his famous line again then gets stabbed in the chest by the Count. Now back to Westley. He tells Buttercup to hug him gently and she knows something is off when Humperdinck busts in. (Gosh, this is like a soap opera, this was before soap operas, but long after drama. Lol. Morgensternian humor XD) Humperdinck says “to the death,” Westley says “to the pain,” and back to Inigo. He gets wounded really badly but then his mentors in his head tell him what to do to fight back and he inflicts identical wounds on Rugen until he kills him. Dream. Come. True. All-the-while, saying his line a billion times.

So.... with that done, Westley explains the brutal concept of fighting “to the pain,” threatening Humperdinck, outright bluffing, and scaring him into submission. Humperdinck drops his sword and then, Westley's forty minutes are up and his eyes role back. When he dies, Humperdinck picks the sword up again, but then miraculously Westley wakes up again! He drops the sword again and Buttercup ties him up, then Inigo comes in and reveals that Westley has no strength and they jump out the window, one by one, into Fezzik's arms and onto the Prince's prized Whites.

Fezzik did some thinking for himslef! Unbelieveable and his highest point in the novel, just as the Count's murder was Inigo's highest point. Congrats to them. And the way Westley pulled all of this off was his best. And then as they begin riding the white horses to freedom, to the castle gate, Buttercup has her moment to shine. She stands on the saddle of the horse and commands, with unworldly power, that Yellin and the Brute Squad obey their “Queen” and find Humberdinck. When they all listen, Buttercup and company can make their escape.

So they talk a little as they ride toward the Florin Channel and apparently when Westley died again, he “asked the Lord of Permanent Affection for the strength to live the day” and he gave it to him. Westley and Buttercup both promised to outlive each other so they'd be together forever.

According to William Goldman's father, the barber, who read this to his son as he recovered from pneumonia, “They lived happily ever after.” According to morganstein, “Inigo's wound reopened, Westley relapsed again, and Fezzik took the wrong turn, and Buttercups horse threw a shoe. And the night behind them was filled with the crescendoing sound of puruit...” (pg. 357).

Whew, so it's done. Morgenstern tricked us all by making us think everything was resolved at the end. Fezzik was smarter and more independent than ever, Inigo avenged his father, and lived, Buttercup was rescued and reunited with her Westley and Westley was actually alive and kicking again right? I definitely didn't expect the ending to be open like that.. Oh well, what can you do? I

t's actually pretty funny, I saw the movie at my boyfriend's house last year before I ever even looked at the book. He was so excited, he's like “you never saw the Princess Bride? Oh man, you gotta see it!” He's a real romantic. And so I thought, “hey, what the heck?” It sounded cute enough plus it meant I got to see him( sorry, TMI), so I watched it. And I loved it too. It's easy to get wrapped up in. So now, I'm reading it and getting little bits and pieces flashing through my head. To tell you the truth, a lot of it just came back to me, because I was still surprised with most of it. I genuinely didn't remember basically any of this until after I started reading it, so it was fun when I was like, “wait, I remember that quote!” This was a fun experience. Now I have to get into the real work. Well, I'm outta here! Peace.

pg. 338

Propriety (n.): the standard of what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech

Guess who? Webster.  

Chapter Seven: The Wedding

     So now, Fezzik and Inigo are outside the door of the Zoo of Death. They open it then descend through each of the levels, through much difficulty and danger, and take Westley's body to Miracle Max. From there they gather items on short, dangerous quests to make a revival pill so Westley can come back to life, stop the wedding, take the princess, help them all escape, and in between, help Inigo find Count Rugen so he can kill him.

     Right now, for the umpteenth time, Humperdinck is telling Yellin to prepare for Guilder soldiers to come Kidnap Buttercup. Again Yellin tells him he has no word of attack and now he resigns. The Prince denies his resignation and tells him he is killing Buttercup and that Yellin himself will rule Guilder for him if things go off without a hitch. Guilder accepts and the prince makes the wedding earlier so things will happen faster.

     Miracle Max realizes that he messed up the pill, and instead of reviving Westley for an hour, it will only revive him for 40 minutes. It's too late. Now Fezzik and Inigo take Westley's body to the castle. They revive him, and once they cure him of his self-defeat, they head forward and use a holocaust cloak to scare the Brute Squad.

     At the same time Buttercup is getting married, yet she isn't focusing on the wedding, just on how Westley will save her. They hear screaming and Rugen and four of his best swordsman go out to find that the Brute Squad is gone. For Fezzik sported the flaming cloak yelling that he was Dread Pirate Roberts and that there would be no survivors.

     I didn't really talk about it much but the scene with Miracle Max is hilarious! Basic husband and wife quarreling. Goldman also reveals that they're named after Morgenstern's parents. Maybe the character's are based on them also. I love how there are little spouts of comedy about the novel. Like how, once Westley is revived he says he wish he remembered death so he could write a book on it and become a millionaire. Also, something I haven't dove into yet is the suspense. That is a constant throughout these last few chapters, even more than in the beginning. Now that all of the mystery of the characters is gone, well except the albino, nobody really understands where he came from, the suspense is all that's left. The quest for true love. And the way the time is given minutely for each character's situation is pretty cool too. I really have enjoyed reading this book and it's a shame that there's only one chapter to go.

pg. 333

Contingencies- contingency (n.): chance of possible event.

Again, Webster's.
Wow, I just looked at my chpt. 5 post. Much better job now, huh? On summarizing and whatnot? Hey, Goldman is the cool abridger guy, not me. I'm also not a guy, but that's beside the point. Okay, I'ma quit talkin' to myself. ^_^

Chapter Six: The Festivities

     Buttercup is back in the custody of Prince Humperdinck and life goes on. There are sixty days until the royal wedding. Inigo wakes up and finds a way to untie himself. Utterly defeated, he goes to the Thieves Quarter to wait for Vizzini's next orders. He figures he's a failure now and has no life purpose because he was defeated and probably won't avenge his father's death. He's afraid alone at the Thieves Quarter and begins drinking again, causing a major flatlining of his character and relapse into his lowest state.

Fezzik wakes up confused and trying to remember what Vizzini told him to do in such a situation. He then follows Vizzini's trail and finds him. After he sees that Vizzini is dead, he looks for Inigo but doesn't find him, so he runs and screams hysterically until he finds a cave to hide in.

     Westley wakes up in chained in a giant cage to find a quiet albino tending his wounds. He realizes the Prince or the Count will torture him and prepares mentally to block out the pain.

     Meanwhile, Buttercup is having terrible nightmares about how she abandoned Westley and the awful consequences she is destined to face because of her decision. The nightmares take a toll on her and the Prince makes a deal with her to send for Westley. If he returns on the prince's ship to claim Buttercup, the wedding will be stopped, if Westley has given up on her, the wedding will go on. When she leaves it's revealed that the Prince hired the Sicillian Crowd to murder Buttercup. Humperdinck wanted a bitter war with Guilder so he could conquer it as king. Since they failed he decides to kill her himself, on their wedding night, and frame Guilder.

     Now they begin torturing Westley. The Count has an obsession with pain. They torment him by promising freedom if he admits the name of the Guilderian that hired him so that he will be both physically and psychologically tortured. Obviously no one hired him. Whenever he is tortured, he doesn't feel the pain because he takes his brain away. Afterward the albino always heals him and feeds him. The Count and Prince question Buttercup to find better ways to torture him. Meanwhile, the Count is building a Machine.

     Now the Prince is busy with King-like business, like planning for the Florinese 500 year anniversary. He tells Yellin, the Chief of All Enforcement in Florin City, to form a Brute Squad to empty the Thieves Quarter while Count Rugen suddenly finishes his machine. He tortures a wild dog to the point that everyone in Florin can hear it's scream. Naturally, the Count decides to use it on Westley because he could see through his performance and wished to make him endure true torture. He collects data for a book on pain he wishes to write and he finally breaks Westley, sucking 20 years from his life. When Buttercup keeps asking about news of Westley and saying how perfect he is and how much she loves him, the Prince loses his temper, drags her to her room, goes to the Zoo of death and uses the machine to take Westley's last 20 years, subsequently producing a scream loud enough for Inigo to hear, and killing him.

     Fezzik turns out to be part of the Brute Squad and saves Inigo, nursing him back to health and sobriety. When Inigo hears the sound of Ultimate Suffering, he knows it's from the MIB and assumes it's from heartbreak. They follow the sound to the Zoo of death, knock the Albino unconscious and go into the trap entrance.

     The main character development is in the revealing of Humperdinck being a villain and how he becomes more ruthless. The vocab I wasn't 100 % on and that was new is listed below:

pg. 233

feculence- feculent (adj.): (omg! It's not in Webster's Dictionary) 

Full of foul or impure matter; fecal.

(courtesy of the Free Dictionary: <http://www.thefreedictionary.com/feculence> the rest is from Webster's )

ordure (n.): Excrement

pg. 257

perturbed- perturb (vb.): to disturb greatly especially in mind; upset.

pg. 264

adroit (adj.): dexterous with one's hands; shrewd, resourceful.

Chapter Five: The Announcement

This is an extremely large chapter, so I'll do my best to sum it up as quickly as possible.

     Buttercup, now Princess of Hammersmith and far more beautiful at twenty-one than ever before, is now being revealed to the public as Prince Humperdinck's bride-to-be and future Queen of Florin. She chooses to greet all of their subjects and walks among them. In the crowd are three men conspiring to kill her and a man in black (I'll refer to him as the MIB for short). While Princess Buttercup is riding Horse and thinking about how wrong and how unavoidable this marriage is, she is snatched up by the three men: a Turk (Fezzik the Giant), a Spaniard (Inigo Montoya, fencing wizard), and a Sicilian (Vizzini, the humpback man with an outstanding intellect).

     The trio (the Sicilian Crowd) planned on killing her on the Guilder frontier in order to frame the people of Guilder, therefore starting another vicious war between Guilder and Florin. Some unseen foe was paying them a lot of money to do so.

     They render Buttercup unconscious and she wakes up, in bounds, on a ship. She hears their plan and then they hit pressure points to knock her out again. The next time she wakes up she jumps overboard and the Sicilian threatens to cut himself to draw the sharks out if she doesn't swim back aboard. She continues to hide and he cuts himself. The moon comes out and they find her just before the sharks take her. Then they proceed to the Cliffs of insanity as they notice the MIB following them.

     They tell themselves he isn't following him and the giant carries them up the mountain side through use of a rope. As they climb, they see that the MIB is following them. Once the climb is completed, they cut the rope, yet the man still follows. The Spaniard is left behind to (impatiently) await the MIB and kill him. Thus the story of Inigo Montoya has begun.

Inigo

     When Inigo was a boy, his father, Domingo, was the most talented sword maker of the land, yet nobody knew him. The famous sword maker, Yeste depended on Domingo to make a lot of the complex swords that his clientele requested. Domingo however, wished to become an artist, not to waste his talent on satisfying the silly frilly desires of foolish nobles. He desired a challenge. That challenge came when a six-fingered nobleman came directly to Domingo to ask for a “the greatest sword since Excalibur. Domingo worked tirelessly and wasted away making it perfect but when it was finished, the noble killed him said it was insufficient. The six-fingered man killed him when he swore he would pass the sword to his son Inigo and Inigo swore vengeance.

     For the rest of his life, Inigo pledged to change that young, potentially talented boy to a master who would avenge his father by killing the six-fingered man. He Spent ten years squeezing rocks, running, dodging, and studying the sword. He became strong, swift, powerful, and fought several champions. He became known as a wizard, the only thing more powerful than a master. He was the last wizard since the Corsican Wizard, Bastia, years and years before Inigo was born. Inigo began his search for the six-fingered man but never found him. He eventually began to tire of fencing and became an alcoholic until the Sicilian found him.

     Inigo is a good man, he just needs proper guidance. Unfortunately the only guidance he had came from the Sicilian Inigo was at once determined, young, strong, and he had a great drive. Until he stopped drinking, he was just a weak has been. Now he has been renewed again and in his fight against the MIB he has the resolve to finish things once and for all. He and the MIB begin fighting with their left hands and later they each reveal that they are right-handed. After a long grueling, yet exhilarating fight, Inigo surprisingly loses. Instead of killing him the MIB knocks him unconscious and ties him up.

Fezzik

     Fezzik the Turk is then supposed to kill the MIB as the Sicilian runs off with the princess and the MIB catches up with them. The Turks were known for large babies, but Fezzik never lost his baby weight. He kept growing until he eventually became a grown man's size during Kindergarten. The other kids were afraid at first, but since Fezzik was a chicken, they bullied him. His parents then tried to teach Fezzik how to fight. When Fezzik finally obeyed and punched his father, he severely wounded him and they began to put Fezzik in matches. He used his brute strength, which he didn't want, to defeat all of the champion fighters. Fezzik never liked fighting, though. His parents forced him to and really enjoyed themselves, but Fezzik hated it; he feared he would lose his parents one day and be left alone to endure all of the “Boos” of the spectators by himself.

     Eventually his parents did die, and he began group fights, the only thing that satisfied him. The boos stopped because it was more fair and Fezzik only fought so he could make money to live. However when the boos began again, he had nowhere to turn but to Vizzini, the Sicilian.

Fezzik chose not to ambush the MIB unfairly like Vizzini told him to because he's a good sport. Fezzik, at heart, is a kind and gentle giant. He still has a childlike mind and enjoys rhymes, but he's more sure of himself and less troubled now. He's stronger emotionally after his journey as well as strong physically, for he is still a towering giant. He didn't know how to fight a single person any more, so it took him a while to figure out a way to fight the MIB. By the time he remembered and adjusted his battle skills, it was too late, and the banged up MIB wrapped himself around Fezzik's neck, cut off his air supply, and knocked him out.

Vizzini

     Vizzini had few strengths and no physical strength due to his bodily imperfections, so he strenghtened his brain to be a master of undying logic. Some thought he was a mind reader. At some point, Vizzini changed from training his brain for survival to using it for evil intentions and making money. Now he has set a picnic and awaits the MIB while holding a long sharp knife to the throat of the blindfolded princess. He realizes they are at an impasse though, because if he kills the princess where she stands, the job doesn't get done and the MIB will kill him. Yet if the MIB tries to kill him, Buttercup will die and he won't be able to hold her for ransom. The MIB challenges Vizzini to a battle of wits.

     The MIB asks Vizzini to pour out two goblets of wine. He then empties a packet of Iocane powder, the deadliest poison ever, and sets down the goblets again in front of Vizzini. He asks him to guess wear the poison is. Vizzini makes several clever deductions aloud, seemingly stalling for time. He then tricks the MIB into turning around and switches the goblets. Then they drink and Vizzini dies, for both goblets contained poison. The MIB had built up an immunity. He takes the blindfold off the princess and commands her to run.

     They run and Buttercup can barely keep up. After her questions are evaded she tells him Prince Humperdinck will find them will find them. The MIB inquires about “her love” saving her and she admits that there is no love. They continue running silently for hours after a little spat and they see all of Humperdinck's ships poised to overtake them in the Florin channel. They discuss what the prince may do and they discuss the prince in general. The MIB tells Buttercup she is cold and she tells him about her and Westley. He thinks she didn't feel anything and she tells him of her true suffering. Suddenly Buttercup pushes him off the ravine edge and tells him he can die for all she cares. As he falls he says “As... you... wish...” and she realizes it's Westley, so she plunges after him.

     Humperdinck quickly picks up on all of his surroundings and makes the unnaturally perceptive deductions needed to find Westley and Buttercup. The Count and a hundred mountain men try to follow him. They end up at the fire swamp and realize that Buttercup and her captor will likely die there, so they go around to see if it is so.

     The reader isn't given any details of a heartfelt reunion between the too lovers. They simply, weep, talk about their lives a bit and begin arguing as they head through the Fire Swamp. The Fire Swamp is the nightmare of all children in Florin and Guilder. At first Buttercup is too scared to move. Westley tells her how he survived on the Dread Pirate Robert's ship, Revenge, and eventually became first mate, and then the Dread Pirate Roberts himself. Meanwhile, he saves Buttercup from suffocating in the unending pool of Snow Sand and fights off a pack of R.O.U.S.- Rodents of Unusual Size. They eventually get through the forest and are met by the Prince's Armada.

     Westley doesn't give up, but Buttercup asks if the prince will spare Westley if she surrenders. Humperdinck agrees and she abandons Westley. The Prince promises not to harm Westley but plans for the Count to capture and torture him. 

     I did have some new vocab, even though a some of it was kinda clear from the context:

pg. 151

conceded – concede (vb.): to admit to be true; grant, yield. In this case, it seems to mean “yielded.”

pg. 174

chicanery (n.): Trickery, deception.

Cagey (adj.): Wary of being trapped or deceived: shrewd.

Vulpine (adj.): of, relating to, or resembling a fox, especially in cunning.

pg. 217

forthright (adj.): free from ambiguity or evasiveness: going straight to the point.
All of my definitions by the way are taken from Webter's New Explorer Dictionary, New Edition. 2005. Merriam-WEbster, Inc.Springfield, MA... blah blah blah. I don't have time to cite this in MLA right now, but you get the point. It's not my work, it's from the dictionary. THERE! Hopefully, no one will hold my use of it against me. :-D

Chapter Four: The Preparations

This is basically the most useless chapter in the book. Since this is an abridgment, and good old Bill Goldman didn't find it necessary, there's not much for me to say. Apparently, in the original Morgenstern's version of The Princess Bride (which I'll refer to as TPB), this was the longest chapter: 105 pages. But in Goldman's side notes (in italics), he tells us that they officially announce that Buttercup will be queen, Humperdinck begins fighting with the other nobles because he can't marry a commoner, the make Buttercup Princess of Hammersmith, a little place in the middle of nowhere that Lotharon owns, the king starts feeling better under treatment of his new Miracle man, AAAAAAANNNND Buttercup has princess boot-camp, learning etiquette and whatnot. Wow, how's that for a run-on sentence? I wanted to have fun with this chapter and basically blow through it and act silly. I probably won't do that in future chapters. But seriously, this chapter is basically one page long. If it wasn't for the little symbol thing they put at the top of the first page of a chapter, all of it would've fit on one page. And this isn't even part of the book itself. So with that out of the way, and hoping a certain English teacher doesn't kill me I think we'll just move happily along to Ch. 5. :)

Chapter Three: The Courtship

     At the beginning of this chapter, Prince Humperdinck, the Count, the King and the Queen meet to discuss Humperdinck's courtship. Since his father is dying and Humperdinck needs to find a future queen in order to produce a new heir, everybody is brainstorming. Bella, the queen, is Humperdinck's “Evil Stepmother.” Since King Lotharon has began mumbling, Queen Bella pretends to be able to decipher the his mumblings so that she can twist his words to her favor. The King is pretty pathetic and helpless while his manipulative wife's shiftiness goes unnoticed.

     “The King” says that the Prince can't marry just any princess, so the Prince suggests Princess Noreena of Guilder. This political marriage could end years of feuding and warring between Florin and Guilder. At first, Humperdinck says that all he cares about is that his wife can hunt well, nothing else, not even personality, matters to him. That changes later in the chapter.

     Queen Bella describes the Princess and she sounds alright so they Humperdinck asks to establish a meeting. The Queen basically volunteers to leave immediately to fetch the princess by saying that it is the King's wishes.

     It only took one moment during their first dinner together to ruin all hopes of marriage between Noreena and Humperdinck. Noreena is as known for her enormous hat collection as the Great hall in King Lotharon's castle is known for its high winds. During a particularly large gale, as the king enters from the King's Door and the servants bring Alcohol for their brandied pig main course, some candles go out as many other candles fall over. The alcohol caught fire from the candles and as the servants rushed to put out the flames, Noreena's hat flew off. She put it on quickly, but Humperdinck saw that she was bald and then told her to leave.

     Humperdinck revealed in this scene that he does care about more than hunting. He now admits that he wants a woman who is beautiful, no matter who she is or where she is. Count Rugen asks if he would even marry a commoner if she fit the description and the Prince said yes. The Count then took him to see Buttercup.

     As Count Rugen told Humperdinck about her, he began to have doubts about seeking the hand of a mere milkmaid. This reveals Humperdinck's shallow and fickle character. All doubts and misgivings fade away, however when Humperdinck first lays eyes on Buttercup. He demands her hand in marriage but she refuses. He threatens death if she doesn't comply and she still refuses. He asks why and she tells him she can't ever love him. The Prince replies that love has nothing to do with it and tells of the situation and his need to provide a future heir. They agree that as long as love isn't a factor, they will get married.

     Yet again, the vocabulary wasn't all that difficult, however the old-timey wording is still appreciated and makes reading this piece very interesting. There's plenty of imagery, but everything is very straight forward without a lot of hidden meaning. Also, rather than developing, Humperdinck's character seemed to diminish. He's so impatient and so picky, yet he didn't even want to get married in the first place. It'll be interesting to see where this goes. To tell the truth it was pretty obvious that the Count wanted Buttercup for something in the earlier chapter. It is a little disappointing though that Buttercup succumbed so willingly, but I guess she didn't really have much of a choice. At least her heart is still locked.