Chapter Four: The Preparations

This is basically the most useless chapter in the book. Since this is an abridgment, and good old Bill Goldman didn't find it necessary, there's not much for me to say. Apparently, in the original Morgenstern's version of The Princess Bride (which I'll refer to as TPB), this was the longest chapter: 105 pages. But in Goldman's side notes (in italics), he tells us that they officially announce that Buttercup will be queen, Humperdinck begins fighting with the other nobles because he can't marry a commoner, the make Buttercup Princess of Hammersmith, a little place in the middle of nowhere that Lotharon owns, the king starts feeling better under treatment of his new Miracle man, AAAAAAANNNND Buttercup has princess boot-camp, learning etiquette and whatnot. Wow, how's that for a run-on sentence? I wanted to have fun with this chapter and basically blow through it and act silly. I probably won't do that in future chapters. But seriously, this chapter is basically one page long. If it wasn't for the little symbol thing they put at the top of the first page of a chapter, all of it would've fit on one page. And this isn't even part of the book itself. So with that out of the way, and hoping a certain English teacher doesn't kill me I think we'll just move happily along to Ch. 5. :)

Chapter Three: The Courtship

     At the beginning of this chapter, Prince Humperdinck, the Count, the King and the Queen meet to discuss Humperdinck's courtship. Since his father is dying and Humperdinck needs to find a future queen in order to produce a new heir, everybody is brainstorming. Bella, the queen, is Humperdinck's “Evil Stepmother.” Since King Lotharon has began mumbling, Queen Bella pretends to be able to decipher the his mumblings so that she can twist his words to her favor. The King is pretty pathetic and helpless while his manipulative wife's shiftiness goes unnoticed.

     “The King” says that the Prince can't marry just any princess, so the Prince suggests Princess Noreena of Guilder. This political marriage could end years of feuding and warring between Florin and Guilder. At first, Humperdinck says that all he cares about is that his wife can hunt well, nothing else, not even personality, matters to him. That changes later in the chapter.

     Queen Bella describes the Princess and she sounds alright so they Humperdinck asks to establish a meeting. The Queen basically volunteers to leave immediately to fetch the princess by saying that it is the King's wishes.

     It only took one moment during their first dinner together to ruin all hopes of marriage between Noreena and Humperdinck. Noreena is as known for her enormous hat collection as the Great hall in King Lotharon's castle is known for its high winds. During a particularly large gale, as the king enters from the King's Door and the servants bring Alcohol for their brandied pig main course, some candles go out as many other candles fall over. The alcohol caught fire from the candles and as the servants rushed to put out the flames, Noreena's hat flew off. She put it on quickly, but Humperdinck saw that she was bald and then told her to leave.

     Humperdinck revealed in this scene that he does care about more than hunting. He now admits that he wants a woman who is beautiful, no matter who she is or where she is. Count Rugen asks if he would even marry a commoner if she fit the description and the Prince said yes. The Count then took him to see Buttercup.

     As Count Rugen told Humperdinck about her, he began to have doubts about seeking the hand of a mere milkmaid. This reveals Humperdinck's shallow and fickle character. All doubts and misgivings fade away, however when Humperdinck first lays eyes on Buttercup. He demands her hand in marriage but she refuses. He threatens death if she doesn't comply and she still refuses. He asks why and she tells him she can't ever love him. The Prince replies that love has nothing to do with it and tells of the situation and his need to provide a future heir. They agree that as long as love isn't a factor, they will get married.

     Yet again, the vocabulary wasn't all that difficult, however the old-timey wording is still appreciated and makes reading this piece very interesting. There's plenty of imagery, but everything is very straight forward without a lot of hidden meaning. Also, rather than developing, Humperdinck's character seemed to diminish. He's so impatient and so picky, yet he didn't even want to get married in the first place. It'll be interesting to see where this goes. To tell the truth it was pretty obvious that the Count wanted Buttercup for something in the earlier chapter. It is a little disappointing though that Buttercup succumbed so willingly, but I guess she didn't really have much of a choice. At least her heart is still locked.

Chapter Two: The Groom

     This chapter focuses solely on Prince Humperdinck and his love of hunting. It explores the ways in which his fascination overshadows his cares of anything else in the world. The biggest tragedy to him would be the day his father dies and he is forced to postpone his hunting to find a wife. He doesn't want to do anything, not even be a king, at the expense of his hunting career.

     This chapter tells of the “Zoo of Death,” the five level, underground holding place of hunting animals in the Prince's possession. The first level is for speed, the second for power, the third for poison, the fourth for fear, and the fifth is left empty, preserved for a creature with as much danger and ability as the prince himself.

While wrestling and then killing an orangutan, the Count (Rugen), the princes only confidant, tells him that the king's annual physical has revealed that he is dying. Without any remorse for his father, the Prince simply states that he is hindered; now he must find a wife.

     Again, there wasn't any vocabulary that was difficult for me to understand. Likewise there is little symbolism. On page 74, Prince Humperdinck's hunting is referred to as “Death chess, and he was the international grand master.” This means that his position as a hunter is similar to the undefeated champion of a game: he is an unbeatable hunter. On page 77, “The Orangutan fell like a rag doll.” That metaphor and that simile are basically the only forms of figurative speech in the chapter.
     Actually, now that I think about it, there is the matter of each of the animals representing the different things like speed and power and what not. That's kinda figurative isn't it? I mean it's pretty literal also, but it makes up a physical pyramid which could represent "the predator." All of these parts of the literal pyramid could make up a true, ideal predator. They are each parts of it but all must be used to create a whole. Well, there you go, figurative language (sorta) for this chapter. 

Chapter One: The Bride

     Buttercup is the main focus of this chapter. However, it begins by discussing the most beautiful women of the land preceding Buttercup. First a beautiful maid met her defeat by chocolate, then a beautiful women met her end by obsessing over her beauty. These things didn't end their lives, but they certainly ended their beauty. The result of this sequence of events is that Buttercup seems humble and down to earth. Her direct connection to Westley, the Farm Boy, is established early on, but it develops throughout the chapter.

     Originally, Buttercup's feuding parents tell her to keep herself clean and beautiful so that she may impress the Boys of the village. However, Buttercup expresses no desire to seek these boys' favor. At the age of sixteen, when she has inevitably and unintentionally stolen the Boys' hearts and therefore distanced herself from the girls of the village, she reveals the true reason that these boys don't appeal to her.

     When the Boys asked her if she needed any favors, she always replied that “the Farm Boy does that.” When Buttercup bashes the Farm Boy with an unending list of harsh demands, he simply replies, “As you wish.” This foretells his fondness for Buttercup. Until the end of this chapter, Buttercup neither recognizes her feelings for Westley, or his feelings for her. She only notices this after the visit from the Count and Countess.

     In the novel, it is announced that the turning point is when a the first rich man comes to sneak a peek at Buttercup's beauty. Shortly after, the Count and his exquisite Countess travel to Buttercup's family's farm to ask about their cows. They asked how the family maintained the best cows of the land, but since the cows were obviously terrible, they had to have had some ulterior motives. The Count wished to ogle at Buttercup himself. Likewise, when introduced to Westley, the Countess became mesmerized with him. This produced jealousy in Buttercup that provided the first inkling that she was in love with Westley.

     When Buttercup realized that she was jealous of the Countess' infatuation with the Farm Boy, she fooled herself into believing that the he held the same feelings for the Countess. However, Buttercup's recurring stubbornness made her ignore his feelings. She went to his hovel to confess her feelings and showed the first sign of passion and love in her entire life. When she poured out her feelings, even going as far to shed her slightly mocking nickname, calling him her Westley, he shut the door in her face.

     Buttercup wept and wept. After her period of grief came denial. She lied to herself and said that Westley was to stupid to respond. After more tears, now silent, she felt defeated, thinking she had no chance of winning the heart of one looked at by the Countess. Suddenly, after a full day of crying, Westley knocked on her door. She feigned fanciness and pretended that her confession was a joke, when something Westley said shocked her. He said “Good-by.”

     To Buttercup's surprise, and confusion, Westley loved her too. He admitted that every time he said “As you wish,” he was really saying “I love you.” He told her he was leaving so he could seek his fortune in America. He wished to work hard enough to make money to buy his own farm there, so he could send for Buttercup to live with him. Then they had the greatest kiss of all time as they parted. Buttercup promised to never love anyone else.

     After Westley left, Buttercup changed her life. She began bathing regularly, combing her hair, etc, and she became far more beautiful than she could've ever imagined. She became worried and jealous at one point, that Westley would find another woman to settle down with, but she buried those feelings because she knew Westley wouldn't want her to fret. She became easily angered when the village girls asked about Westley, but eventually the girls began acknowledging her again when they saw how in love she was. But one day, Buttercup received some bad news.

     Westley's ship had been taken by pirates. This particular pirate captain, Dread Pirate Roberts, was known for not leaving survivors. Buttercup then secluded herself in sorrow and solitude. She barely ate enough to live and therefore became more beautiful. However she still promised never to love another, so she didn't. I understood all of the vocabulary in this chapter. A lot of repetition is used throughout. There is a fair amount of imagery, comedy, and sarcasm. It's a little complicated for me to focus on the story itself because I read so much about Goldman. I can't just think about Morgenstern's point or view because whatever Goldman thinks is basically here. It's a lot to take in at once, but I'm still definitely greatful for the abridgment. There's no way I would have been able to read the entire original Princess Bride. Should I have included "the" right there? Idk. Whatever. But anyway, the story is really touching at first. Buttercup sounds a little like my kind of girl at first, but then she worries herself sick over some dude. Well, some dude she loves. And honestly, I hate to say, that's like me too, at least with the guy I'm dating (and have been for almost two years) now.